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The 2000th kilometre

April 25th, 2013 | Posted by Dino in Canada | Uncategorized - (2 Comments)

If instead of cycling to work I’d started cycling from Vancouver then I’d be here by now:

Congratulations! You've reached the, erm... Middle of Nowehere

Congratulations! You’ve reached the, erm… Middle of Nowehere

This is the stretch of road just inside the Manitoba border, near a town called Russell. It sits in an area known for its grain and cattle. But as you can see – there ain’t much going on.

But this spot marks 2000km from Vancouver. And today marks my 2000th kilometre since training began on January 1.

Thank you accosted dog walker for taking the snap. And not running off with my iPad.

Thank you accosted dog walker for taking the snap. And not running off with my iPad.

It was quite fitting that today I cycled my 2000th km on my way back from work. As indeed most of the distance (62% to be precise) has been gained pedalling to work.

Cycling to work doesn’t feel like ‘commuting’ in the regular (horrendous) sense of the word. Cycling to work is not a waste of time spent swearing at heavy traffic or waiting for a delayed train. I’m lucky because my cycle to work is a 18.4km off-road jaunt along the Sustrans Route 51. A route so fabulous it has it’s own guide.

My journey is a joy, a bliss, a wonder to behold. I’ve enjoyed seeing barn owls, badgers (live ones, not just road kill!) fieldfare and green woodpeckers. I’ve watched the sunrise and the sunset countless times and enjoyed watching the slowly shifting cloudscapes of the open skies.

I’ve cycled in rain, mist, fog, snow, and – very occasionally- sunshine. I’ve fought a 40mph gusting headwind and been blown home at record speed by an easterly so strong it felt like being on a conveyor belt.

My brakes froze solid in the cold and my front derellaier has refused to budge since. I’ve soiled the office shower with muck and sand, and hung up my socks and thermals to dry on the radiator. I’ve nodded good morning at the same hi vis orange woman every morning and said hello to a hi vis yellow man on the way back.

I’ve burrowed through deepest, darkest winter with a bike light that dazzles the sun. I’ve cycled through winter. And I’ve survived.

Now spring has sprung and I’m fitter than ever. Which is just as well – as I’ve only just crossed into Manitoba. And next month instead of cycling to work I’ll be starting again in Vancouver.

Buttocks of Brick

April 23rd, 2013 | Posted by Dino in Canada | Uncategorized - (1 Comments)

“Your piriformis is like a brick,” she says while jabbing into my buttocks. The comment is intended as an explanation for why my back is wonky but I take it as a compliment.

I’d pedalled off to the Osteopath this morning to get advice on an old back injury that has come back to bite. Before she attacks my piriformis, the Osteopath hands me a large cardboard tube.

“This will hurt,” the Osteopath warns me, “so you can hit me with this tube.”

Argh! I let out a small yelp and tightly grip the cardboard tube as her elbow digs deeper into my buttock.

But as she’s twisting and stretching me back into position, I feel oddly chuffed to have managed to cycle so many miles that my buttocks have officially been declared by a physio to be “like a brick”.

Buttocks of brick. That’s practically the same as having Legs of Steel. Which basically puts me in the same category as this chap:

These Legs of Steel belong to the German sprinter Robert Forstermann. His father was an elephant and his mother was an oak tree.

But it turns out however that having Buttocks Of Brick isn’t very useful as it causes huge amounts of pain.

The word piriformis is Latin for ‘pear-shaped’. This is unfortunately apt given my ample thighs and the shape things are going…

Here I am, about one month before I’m due to cycle, with a wonky back. I’ve spent years (about 8 in fact) dreaming of this trip and many months planning it. I am not, repeat not, going to be stopped in my tracks by my own back.

Thank goodness the osteopath that I found was brilliant. Should I, the person sometimes so crippled with pain I cannot move, have to take the train across Canada?

No: “We’ll patch you up and keep you pedalling.” She says.

For what is the point of having Buttocks of Brick if you cannot use them to cycle 7500km?

How to start a fire with a tampon

April 18th, 2013 | Posted by Dino in Canada | Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Did you know that the trick to lighting a campfire in wet weather lies in a lady’s handbag?

Specifically, this is a lady who a) smokes b) has chaffed lips and c) is on her period.

Key campfire ingredients: a tampon, some vaseline and a lighter.

Key campfire ingredients: a tampon, some vaseline and a lighter.

Now, I’m not exactly the type of lady who has a handbag but I did chuck these important items into my backpack when I set off on a camping trip last weekend. My aim was to test my new tent and to practice making a campfire.

In typical British fashion the weather forecast was… drizzly. So like any intrepid modern day explorer I prepared for my camping expedition by watching very macho men on YouTube demonstrate how to light a fire. Alas, I don’t have a beard, a knife, an SAS background or a Swedish fireknife. But I can show you have to light a fire with a tampon.

So, what do you do then?
1. Unwrap the tampon and then unfurl it so it’s a rectangle (yea, who knew tampons were actually rectangular?)
2. Smear some vaseline over the tampon.
3. You’ve already make your stone circle and gathered your kindling, sticks and logs right? Great.

Stones, kindling, sticks and a couple of logs for later.

Stones, kindling, sticks and a couple of logs for later.


4. Place tampon on stone circle. Cover with a bit of kindling.
5. Light the tampon string.
6. And you’re off…
Before kindle was an e-book, it was a way of starting a campfire. The irony that paperbacks will become kindling...

Before kindle was an e-book, it was a way of starting a campfire. The irony that paperbacks will become kindling…


7. Blow and add wood as necessary.
8. Get the marshmallows out.
I could blog at length on how to toast the perfect marshmallows. Another time.

I could blog at length on how to toast the perfect marshmallows. Another time.


9. Lie back, listen to the gentle hiss of the water burning out the logs.
10. Watch the stars come back. Smile.

What is this life, if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare...

What is this life, if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare…

Fits like a glove

April 7th, 2013 | Posted by Dino in Canada | Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

“Do you do a discount for CTC members or people cycling across continents?” I ask as I put the gloves down on the countrer.

“Which continent are you cycling across?” The salesman enquiries and, suitably envious of my Canadian coast to coast, he gives me a 10% discount.

As my hands went numb last week I decided should investigate better gloves. So these are my delux new gloves.

Pearl Izumi elite gel gloves

Pearl Izumi elite gel gloves

Compared to the old gloves, there looks to be a lot more gel padding in these. The nerve that gets squished is the fleshy bit on the bottom corner furthest from any thumb or finger. I’ll let you know if these new mitts do the job and stop my hand going numb.

Lots more gel padding on the new ones, eh?

Lots more gel padding on the new ones, eh?

Do you have any experience or advice on numb hands from cycling? Please do get in touch.

Note for UK folks: I bought my gloves from the Trek shop iin MK. A very good store where the staff are always helpful (and – great rarity – not patronising to female cyclists!)

Joy of joys I just spent the last 4 days cycling 400km around the Chiltern hills, lunching on generous portions, munching mini eggs, and crunching the gears up some very steep hills.

This proved to be a fabulous way of preparing for Canada. And I learnt some useful stuff on the way..

Top 10 things I have learnt:
1. D-lock is ridiculously heavy and nobody will nick my bike cuz it weighs a tonne and I’m riding it the whole time
2. Take more mini eggs.
3. Cheese, figs and ginger beer are the ultimate post-cycling snacklet (see below).
4. I need to take a bath to Canada. Hot soak is bliss.
5. iPad / viewranger navigation is a wonderful thing indeed.
6. My legs don’t ache! Even after 400km!
7. But my hands go numb after about 350km.
8. Again, why are there not more mini eggs?
9. Fill up your water bottles. So they are full.
10. There’s no greater joy in life than whizzing along a country road, with the sun in your face and the wind at your back.

Hmmm....

Hmmm….

The ultimate post-cycling snack.
Cheese (manchego and gorgonzola) – contains vital protein for repairing muscles etc.
Figs, grapes and quince paste – vitamins for vitality.
Oat cake – carbohydrate
Ginger beer – rehydrates and replenishes electrolytes (probably)